Complexities of Communication

This month, October 2024, will mark a year and nine months since we got off the plane to begin our first term here in Romania. Odd as it is for two people that grew up in more rural areas of the United States, we’ve come to love Bucharest, our home, and the Romanian people. We are steadily settling into our life here, and have rhythms, resources, and relationships that provide a good foundation for our family. We are excited about Marie’s pregnancy and the new little one that is due in February (gender revealed below)! We are over 3/4 the way through language school, and learning Romanian sign language feels less distant than it did when we arrived, though we still have much to learn about the hearing world, language and culture.

Culture. It’s a buzzword in missions, and whether you love it or hate it, think it’s an essential element of the work or dismiss it as irrelevant to evangelism and discipleship, it is still a reality to contend with. Sometimes it is easy to feel that because the United States is so large and has so many sub-cultures that comparing US “culture” to another country’s culture, such as Romania, would be a bit arbitrary. While it is true there are diversities of sub-cultures in the United States, and sub-cultures within Romanian culture, there are some things that are socially acceptable in each country within a general range. Looking at those ranges can reveal patterns of similarities and differences. An excellent book that covers many of the aspects of culture that are essential to the work of the ministry, like communicating, leading, trusting, and persuading is The Culture Map by Erin Meyer. This book primarily focuses on the areas of communication and mobilization of action in an international business context, but I found many of the principles and frameworks very helpful in awareness, and articulation, of some of the things that we’ve seen and experienced living here over the last year and nine months. There have been other books that have helped understand different aspects of relationships and religion, but since communication is a key aspect of life and ministry, I wanted to take this blog to share a few things we have experienced that are culturally different in the way we communicate.

In learning Romanian there have been several times we were struck by the necessity of context to determine meaning. For the Grammarians out there, the short word “îi” (which would sound like saying the “u” in “ugh” finished with the “i” in “ski”) can be used as either the feminine or masculine singular dative (which receives the benefit of an action and is commonly the indirect object of a sentence) or the masculine plural accusative case (which is directly acted upon by the subject of the sentence, commonly referred to as the direct object in English). How do you know whether it’s singular or plural, dative or accusative? Context. An example of what I mean would be “Îi trimit…” This phrase can mean the following in English:

1) I am sending (something) to him…,

2) I am sending (something) to her…,

3) I am sending them…(somewhere),

4) They are sending (something) to him…

5) They are sending (something) to her…

6) They are sending them…(somewhere).

The only way to know would be context. However, this is just a microcosm of the Romanian mindset. The language and word choice is highly interdependent on the sentence and paragraph, and sometimes even the wider context of social status can impact how you are to speak to another party. In American culture we are taught that good communication is clear, that you say what you mean and mean what you say, and that you state things as they are and sometimes even if they are obvious. As I recently heard, when a Romanian thinks something is funny they laugh, but when an American thinks something is funny we say, “That’s funny.”

Another aspect is that Romanians don’t wait for one party to finish talking before they start talking, and this is to show attention and respect! I noticed this element caused a slight problem as I watched a Romanian interpret a message for an American. At the beginning of the sermon, as the American would approach the end of a sentence, the Romanian would jump in before the American had finished his sentence and start interpreting. This apparently led the American to think that he was saying too much, as Americans wait for the other person to stop before immediately saying their piece. The American preacher then began to say fewer and fewer words before pausing to let the Romanian interpret. Due to the high context nature of Romanian, this began to cause problems for the interpreter as he did not have enough of the idea to properly translate from one language to another.

An area of difference that can cause misunderstanding, hurt, and conflict is in the area of direct negative feedback. In America we tend to qualify our negative feedback with positives and imply what is wrong instead of stating it directly. We consider it a social virtue to focus on the positive and to encourage students or colleagues. However, Marie and I have experienced very strong and direct negative feedback about how our kids are not dressed appropriately for the weather, that I needed to be a man and tell my landlord to move a vehicle he had parked outside our home, or that my Romanian is worse than my wife’s. However, this has also caused problems the other way, unknowingly, as I had given some feedback to someone and they didn’t seem to make any steps of improvement. This left me very confused and frustrated at the lack of response as they had seemed very genuine and sincere in wanting to grow. Looking back on the negative feedback, I realize that it was surrounded by a lot of positives. As a Romanian recently told me, “If you give us advice in the middle (meaning the negative is surrounded by positives) we can take it however we want.” I was disappointed that they didn’t take my advice, but they probably had no idea that I was giving them negative feedback and suggesting a way for them to grow.

The final area that is becoming increasingly important to us as we think about future evangelism and teaching/preaching is the area of persuasion. In America an effective communicator emphasizes application, conclusion, or the use of something. “How does this impact me?” or “How can I use this?” are essential questions to answer if you are going to persuade someone of something in America. However, in Romania the more persuasive approach is to establish a firm foundation of general principles and the system of study or thinking and then present the conclusions and application afterwards. The questions “Why would you recommend a certain thing?” or “What is the basis of your conclusions?” are important here in presentation and persuasion. Establishing the conceptual foundation is essential. If the theoretical concepts are not explained, then it can potentially come across as insulting and questionable to a Romanian. This can lead to longer “theoretical” conversations before any type of decision can be pursued or assertion presented. For example, in dealing with the common belief in Romania that you must maintain your salvation by continually taking up your cross and following Christ would require a willingness to demonstrate the veracity of the Bible as our final authority (as opposed to tradition), the certainty of God’s character and promises, and the finality of Christ’s substitution and victory on the cross before an Orthodox person will listen to your conclusion that “Once saved, always saved.”

As we continue to learn and grow, we are regularly reminded of the need for walking in wisdom, wise as serpents and harmless as doves. We are excited by the concept of our children learning how to navigate the different worlds with skill, and excited to continue to learn and grow ourselves! We love where God has placed us and we look forward to continuing to learn from the people God has placed us with. We have already seen many of these cultural elements with our doctor and the medical system here in relation to Marie’s pregnancy. It has been a great learning experience both culturally and linguistically. Marie and the baby are both doing well, and we are happy to announce we have a little boy on the way! Continue to pray for us as some days are still challenging for Marie, and we expect that they will only get more challenging as the pregnancy progresses. Thank you for your continued prayers for us!